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  • Haley Moore Haskin

Where is God in the Self-Love Movement?

Updated: Apr 30, 2023


It has occurred to me that in a lost and searching culture that largely doesn’t know where else to place its faith, self-love campaigns, inspirational memes, and the self-empowerment movement have become something of a new gospel in today's world. People trying to save themselves.


Take a look at these:

I wake up in the morning and scroll through my Facebook and Instagram feeds, which are littered with political commentary and hatefulness in a culture that claims to love. I suppose to reverse the effects of all this negativity, inspirational movements like these are created to spread positive vibes and cozy thoughts. I understand where these inspirational thoughts are coming from. And I would much prefer to see positivity on my news feed than all the hateful and destructive things going on in the world. But just how positive is this cultural movement we now deem: "self-love?"


Understanding who you are and how to interact with life is important. It is important to like and care for yourself so that you can love and care for others. Self-esteem and self-care are definitely necessary, because you can't pour into others until your cup has been filled and your needs are met. However, I have some counter-cultural views on how to fill that cup. So take with a grain of salt my next couple examples of self-love, recognizing that I don't see self-care and healthy self-esteem as inherently bad, but that I do not consider the "self" as something worthy of our worship. I think things have gotten out of hand. Our culture has taken a good thing and rolled with it way too far.



Self-Love


Since when did it become so much about ourselves and loving ourselves anyways? Hasn't selfishness long been a trait of negative connotations? Aren't the heroes of the stories always the ones who make big selfless sacrifices for others? Why does it seem the tables have turned?


Self-love is a cushy thing. It makes us feel really good. The twist in it is, we always win, because we - no one else but the self - are in charge of and entitled to our own happiness. If something doesn't fit into our version of truth or our version of happiness then, in the name of protecting and caring for the self, we can discard it with as little obligation as we would toss out a half eaten fruit of which we didn't particularly care for the taste. But the thing about "self love," is it is honestly just a nice sounding way to sneak selfishness into the canon of socially acceptable and even encouraged behavior. Of course this gets approval in our morally relativistic culture because of the widely accepted "you do you, and I'll do me" principle that is rapidly gaining magnitude for obvious reasons. Who doesn't want to feel like "its all about me?" I mean, self-love feels great! I love bubble baths, and wine, and solo trips, and shopping, and taking myself on spa and coffee dates. Heck, if all our lives we’ve been striving toward the things we feel a deep moral obligation to, and then someone just put the brakes on and gave us a margarita and confetti canon with a permission slip saying, “You don’t need to worry about any of that. Chuck anything uncomfortable out of your life and don't think twice. Just love and care for yourself and everything will go right for you,” therefore relieving us of our moral conscience, that sounds like fun, right?


Only look at the deeper ideas this is implanting. Apparently not only is there nothing wrong with the perpetual indulgence of living only for ourselves, but if there is anything we don't want to tolerate in our lives, we can just cancel it? Close our eyes and make it disappear? Isn't that what we did as toddlers when we didn't want to eat our broccoli? What about forgiveness? What about cooperation? What about conflict resolution? What about loving people when it is difficult and they don't share our views, and not just because they are easy and convenient to love? It is important to realize our humanity, and the fact that in this broken world, we will face desires that we should not indulge, and sometimes we will face negativity that we must deal with until it's resolved. (But more on this in another post at another time.)


A huge red flag around self-love is that it is being cultivated by and for humans, which seems a little bias - and a little dense. Humans agreeing on the okay to dismiss unpleasant moral obligations because personal happiness is now considered the most important thing is dangerous. It reminds me of Eden - the first time humans thought they could outsmart God's design. Humans, with our limited understanding and brokenness should really not be trusted to be making up solutions that claim to produce such intrinsic happiness. The human derived concept of "self-love" being a cure all for the stresses, depressions, and anxieties of life misses a crucial element of the meaning of life and the reason for our existence. It does not recognize God as a savior or a solution. I think that we as humans struggle with selfishness enough as it is. To elevate this struggle instead as something to be glorified and fed rubs the Holy Spirit in me the wrong way.


Bottom line: having self-love as the only tool in our box will lead us to a pretty weak and unfulfilled existence. In a weird analogy, it is like taking a bite out of yourself and expecting to grow. Where do you get your nutrients? It constitutes a selfish and secluded mindset that calls us to look only inside ourselves for value and happiness - No pressure, huh? It encourages unrightful ownership of our lives to a catastrophic fault. It feeds the idea that we are in control rather than our Creator, that we have the power, rather than God, that our wisdom is enough to sustain us, and that we exist purely to experience the best possible version of life we can make for ourselves. And as attractive as authoritative self love initially seems, all of this will always disappoint. Fellow believers, can you see how this seemingly innocent proverb is wrecking the truth of the Gospel and the role that we play in it? If everyone begins looking to their own personal truth that they find suitable to their comfort level as the absolute authority and decision maker in their individual lives, we are going to find ourselves in a pretty scary world, and we might be already there.


"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." - Romans 12:3



The Christian Calling


I know at this point it may seem like I’m reading way too far into something that seems pretty harmless. But I see this as a stumbling block that could easily sneak in and take root in a Godly mind. It is important to dissect even the smallest of lies that the world endorses, and to recognize that as Christians, we are not called to be this comfy-cozy. We are called to much more than prioritizing how good we feel. In fact, how good we feel should be one of the last things on our priority list in a Gospel story that calls us to set aside our emotions and worldly desires to do what the Lord has called us to.


Here our culture is suggesting that we place our faith and love in ourselves rather than a higher being – God. Yet has the Bible not called us multiple times to place our faith and value in Him alone? And what about putting others before ourselves, turning the other cheek, being a servant, and having a heart of forgiveness in the face of the things that our earthly selves wouldn't want to tolerate? How can any of this fall in line under a doctrine that is solely focused on how good we feel?


Some examples of phrases to look out for here are: "Drop whatever doesn't serve you" - Okay, fair enough to drop negative things, but since when is it about what can serve us? Isn't it about what we can do to serve others? "You are your own experience." - Meaning whatever you say goes? Is reality different for you than it is for me? Who gets final say over what is right and what is wrong? "Today I choose to celebrate all the parts of myself." - Okay, even the parts of you that are aren't good and need change? The list goes on, but I think you get the idea. These sneaky phrases sound really inspirational and profound at face value, but if you look into the deeper implications behind them, you will find some pretty twisted foundational worldviews. The worst part is, how well hidden and difficult to detect it is beneath the fluff it gives the consumer's ego.


For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine.Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. - 2 Timothy 4:3-4


Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. -Psalm 62:5


But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. -Matthew 5:39


For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. -Galatians 5:13


Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others. -Philippians 2:4



Patching a Hole


It is also important to point out that finding consolation in self-love does not warrant a permanent fix. We were designed with a hole in our hearts that is meant to be filled by our Maker only. And when we look to other self-help or therapy to fill that God-shaped void in us, it is like putting water in a machine that requires gasoline, like putting tape over a busted pipe, like quenching our thirst and hunger with soda and ice cream instead of real food. The fix will be makeshift, improper, unsatisfying, and will just lead to wanting more, in the exhausting quest to find fulfillment. This is a truth that our culture rejects, because it puts us out of the spotlight of our lives and does not allow us to feel as fabulous by earthly standards. But if you are a believer, you know this isn't really sacrificing much in comparison to what we gain.


But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. -John 4:14


And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. -Isaiah 58:11



One of the most important things to recognize here is that by putting to death our meager and exhausting efforts to satisfy ourselves, we are getting the most satisfaction of all in Jesus Christ. He is the answer to the seemingly inconsolable longing inside us. He is what every human is searching for, because every human was made by Him and for Him. He is the only remedy that makes sense. I realize it is a bold and ballsy claim to make. I realize it sounds like a daring generalization in our fragile individualistic culture. But I wouldn't stand by it if it weren't historically accurate and the absolute truth. Who am I to dispute the claims of the Maker of the universe and the one who created me to know and experience Him? It is the right of our author to know what will fill our souls, and that thing is Him.


When we stop looking into ourselves for happiness and start looking to our Maker, that is where we find all the love and joy we could ever need. That is where we find refuge. That is where we find strength, and comfort, and inner peace. The pursuit of fulfillment is up because we've got it. We have the answer. In this searching and chaotic world where everyone is on a quest to fill the void, may the truth of the Gospel fill us to the brim and root us to the ground. May we be the cup overflowing and the ship anchored in a storm. And at that, may others see this joy and resolve and likewise want to know their Maker.


“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6


“To be God—to be like God and to share His goodness in creaturely response—to be miserable—these are the only three alternatives. If we will not learn to eat the only food that the universe grows—the only food that any possible universe ever can grow—then we must starve eternally.” - C. S. Lewis


In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. - Matthew 5:16



Guarding Against Lies


I didn't compose this blog to condemn anyone. I have no place to do that, because I am guilty of idolizing things that are not God on a daily basis. I do not claim to be perfect. I claim to be a sinner, a committer of moral crimes. But because of the sacrifice of Jesus of Nazareth I claim to be forgiven. As a child of God who has been saved by grace and called to conduct myself in a manner worthy of Christ, I believe it is important to raise awareness to my fellow Christian brothers and sisters that it is easy to fall in step with what the world tells us about how to love and what to value. And hopefully, if you are reading this, you are in the business of seeking His truth, not your own truth. Even with a strong spiritual background it is hard to make out the lies against a worldly backdrop that are so unthinkingly integrated into today's worldviews, and so convincingly disguised to look like positivity and truth. Let this be an encouragement to know what you believe and more importantly, why you believe, so that you can always be on your guard.


And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.” -2 Corinthians 11:14


Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. - 1 Peter 5:8



Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.- 1 Timothy 4:16



Keeping God's Gospel


I will reiterate that it is okay to make decisions that are good for your life and think healthy thoughts about yourself. The problem always lies in extrapolation and extremity. It is necessary to rebuke self-love as our absolute authority by which to live, because it subtly though surely eliminates the fact that we have a higher savior in whom we are to find value, strength, and fulfillment. We are not our own saviors. We are not our own heroes. And thank goodness!


When in doubt about the true nature of an idea, thought process, or faddish phrase, may we consult the best weapon God has given us, His word. May we ask, “Is this seemingly nice idea really Biblical?” The Holy Spirit will serve as a guide in this discerning. May we go with our spiritual knowledge, not our human instincts, and may we not be too quick to believe what the world is consistently trying to feed us. In fact, may we question everything that comes from the world. Let’s stick with God's Gospel truth. Instead of living for and by ourselves and no one else, let us always try to live for and by Him and no one else.


See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. -Colossians 2:8


Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2


“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” - Matthew 22:37-40

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